


I'm So Sorry, Simon

by bazkaban



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide, set after canon, sorry - Freeform, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 13:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazkaban/pseuds/bazkaban
Summary: uuhhhh a sad thing because I was thinking about what might happen when they get older and Baz isn't aging





	I'm So Sorry, Simon

Simon and Baz were undeniably, irrefutably in love. They were perfect for each other. The only problem? Baz was immortal, and Simon was not. Simon was going to die, and Baz couldn't do much about it. When they were younger, neither of them wanted to think about it. Neither of them could bear the thought of losing their love. Especially Baz, who'd be forced to live forever without Simon. But now, Simon was in his mid thirties, and every year, their relationship started to look weirder; Baz would look to be in his early 20s forever. Though they didn't want to, they had to discuss this.

"Baz?" Simon stepped into their bedroom after getting home from work. He dropped his coat on the desk chair. Baz looked up from a book and smiled. 

"Hi Simon."

Simon smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He took a deep breath, sitting down on the bed by Baz's feet. Baz sat up, sliding closer. 

"Si? What's wrong? Bad work day?"

Simon shook his head, not wanting to say anything for fear of bursting into tears. He rested his head on Baz's shoulder, taking deep breaths until he'd calmed down enough to talk. "I-" his voice cracked, and he swallowed. "I'm getting older, Baz. I found a grey hair before work this morning. And- and I know you didn't want to talk about this. But we can't..." A tear rolled down Simon's nose, dripping onto his jeans. "We can't stay together forever." 

Simon turned his head to meet Baz's dark grey eyes, brimming with tears. "Simon?"

"Baz, I- I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. But I'm getting older. And you aren't. And there's nothing you can do about that."

"Simon? If this is about me not loving you anymore- I swear on my life, Snow I'll love you forever. Even after-" Baz choked on a lump in his throat, tears overflowing. "Even after you're dead. But you aren't dead. We... we still have time. Simon, please don't go, Simon, don't go, please, please, I don't have anyone-" Simon wrapped his arms around Baz, letting the taller boy sob into his sweater. He stroked Baz's long hair, winding it around his hand.

"I'm not leaving you, you tragedy," Simon whispered into Baz's ear. "I'm sorry. I just wanted... I guess I just wanted it to be said."

Baz looked up, wiping his face with his sleeve. "I could... I could turn you, couldn't I? Turn you into a vampire and make you stay with me forever."

Simon looked away. "I mean... You could. What about Penny? I wouldn't want to take her away from Micah and her family. And I don't want to take Micah away from his family. When does it stop?" 

"If you... if you agree to it, only you." Baz sniffed. "I don't want to force you to do anything. It's okay if you leave right now and never talk to me again, I'd understand you don't want to be with me anymore. I'll... I'll still love you."

Simon shook his head. "Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, you listen to me. I'm not leaving you. I'll stay for as long as I can, I promise. I just- I just- I'm sorry for making you upset. I shouldn't have said anything." 

They hugged each other, ordered pizza delivered to their home, and spent the rest of the night cuddled together in bed, not wanting to let go of each other sooner than they had to. But the next day, Baz's proposal still stood. 

Simon spent a whole month thinking about it. He certainly didn't want to leave Penny... but she was really the only person besides Baz in his life still. He hated the thought, but he could let her die to be with Baz. And he had to make the decision soon, otherwise he'd end up looking like some sort of pedophile with Baz forever. For weeks, he got almost nothing done at work, almost getting fired before realizing he had to make a decision, and soon. He went to Baz after work again, laying down next to him in silence for a moment, before whispering,

"I'll do it." 

Baz rolled to face Simon, propping himself up on one elbow. "You will? Are you sure? Something could go wrong, I've never-" he was cut off by Simon sitting up and kissing Baz full on the mouth and hugging him close. 

"Shh, honey don't worry. I'll be okay. We'll be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Baz pulled away from Simon, looking down at the bed, picking at a stray thread. "You're sure about this, right? I don't want to risk hurting you. I don't know what will happen. I know... I know I have to bite you. There's a lot that could go wrong."

"I'll risk it for you." 

The next day, a Saturday, both of them woke up early from stress. Simon stayed laying down on the bed, and Baz leaned over him, his black hair falling in his face. He tucked it behind his ears and leaned down, giving Simon a soft kiss. "Remember, I love you, right?" Simon nodded. 

"I love you too, Baz. With all my heart." Baz nodded, glancing to Simon's neck. He left a trail of kisses down Simon's jaw and neck, ending right above his collarbone. His fangs extended from his mouth, grazing Simon's neck. Baz glanced back at Simon, and he nodded, letting the vampire know, 'it's okay.' Baz took a deep breath and carefully sunk his fangs into Simon's neck, right above one of the moles he liked to kiss so much. Simon gasped, tensing. Baz almost stopped, not wanting him to be hurt, but he forced himself to keep going. Simon made this choice himself. His brain was spinning. How would he know when to stop? Had he taken too much blood already? An unwanted thought careened throughout his mind; what if Simon wasn't strong enough to become a vampire because he'd lost his magic? 

Baz ripped his fangs from Simon's neck, wiping blood from his bottom lip. He leaned over Simon, checking desperately for a pulse. It was weak, but there. If he'd been alive, his own heart would have been pounding. Simon lifted his head weakly, smiling. He gently kissed Baz. "Don't worry, I'm here." He raised his hand to Baz's cheek, wiping a tear away. "I'm here." His eyes closed, shutting off their sapphire blue. Baz sobbed. A choking gasp wrecked his body.

"Simon?" He shook the other boy. "Simon? Simon, please wake up, Simon, no, I love you Simon I can't live without you-" Another sob. "Please wake up please tell me you're okay please don't go Simon I-" And another. "No, no, no, no, no this can't be happening Simon please tell me you're okay wake up Simon I can't let you go-" Baz curled over Simon's body, weeping without even having to stop for a breath. "Si-" He choked. "Simon!" 

He sat like this for almost two hours, crying, pleading with Simon to wake up. 

He didn't wake up.

Simon Snow was dead.

And Baz was alone.

He couldn't live alone.

Not anymore.

Simon was his life, his world, his everything.

It's a good thing I'm proficient in fire magic, thought Baz to himself, as he stumbled from their bedroom, leaving Simon behind. He pushed through the back door and traipsed through the yard, his steps crunching dry leaves and grass. He collapsed amidst the trees, shaking. None of this was real.

He lit a flame in his hand. 

This couldn't be happening.

He touched the fire to the ground, and it lit immediately.

Simon had to be alive.

Baz looked back up to their house. 

Simon was dead. 

The fire surrounded him, burning bright. He could almost see Simon within the flames. He felt the fire lick closer and closer, then his clothes caught. He resisted the urge to scream.

Simon wouldn't save him this time.

**Author's Note:**

> haha I'm sorry (no I'm not writing angst is fun)


End file.
